Things I have already learned on this, the day of my birth

I am half way done with my birthday celebrations and I have already learned some valuable lessons:

Do not shave with an old razor, unless you want to spend the day explaining the gashes on your face.

On a whim, do not get any part of your body waxed for a birthday surprise.

Do not walk downstairs nude for your birthday breakfast, unless your elderly neighbors enjoy that sort of view.

Do not randomly walk into local bakeries, take a bite out of any pastry and declare “thanks for the birthday cake” – it generally does not end well.

As often as possible begin any sentence with “since it’s my birthday…”

Explain to friends and family that even though you told them for months that you did not expect expensive gifts, jewelry, bikes or trips for your birthday, you kind of did have those expectations.

Remember to thank everyone for gifting you pets. Now that I have some chickens, two cats, a gassy dog and species unknown three legged “animal” currently residing in my home, friends seem to think I am running a home for wayward and unwanted badly housebroken animals.

Finally, on my birthday I keep hearing a derivative of the sentence “you do not look like you’re 28” and I keep reminding people that it’s kind of rude to say mean things on peoples birthdays.


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