The Verizon Wireless douche contest

When I am not complaining on the phone negotiating with the worlds crappiest customer service available from Comcast about their joke of a high speed internet, I have taken up a new hobby and that is trying to get my Galaxy S3 phone to work properly.
A little history, I am an Apple goofball and there are about 17 million computers in my house, all Apples. Everything on those Apple computers synchs and dances and makes life very easy. A few months ago, in a drunken stupor, I stumbled into a Verizon store and some handsome little geek talked me into dumping my Iphone for a really pretty Galaxy S3. I am generally a fool, but trading in a fine Apple phone for a clunky, disturbingly bad Samsung piece of crap was the biggest mistake I made that day.
Finally fed up with a phone that is the same size as my Fiat 500 I made my way to that very same Verizon store this afternoon, where a snarky, angry and bitter young woman basically told me I am a fat, stupid and obnoxious Jew.
She also spewed a million little lies, which like paper cuts, seem harmless at first, but when you get home, you realize all those cuts are bleeding you dry.
This vamp of a skeeze recommended I just buy a refurbished Apple Iphone, which sounds really easy to do, until you find out Apple does not sell refurbished phones.
Upon realizing I have been lied to, I called the good people at Verizon and spoke with some dude in a far off location, who kept repeating a mantra of “how can I make this right for you?” When I explained the series of lies and deceptions I had been a victim of, the hick at the Verizon call center said, in short, “how about you go fuck yourself?”
I was shocked, because I thought Comcast had cornered the market on people who barely speak English, except to insult the intelligence of their customers.
Verizon has offered to send me another Galaxy phone, which would make an inadequate paper weight, and nothing more. Which leaves me, right now, on hold, as the nice and friendly young man at an unknown far off call center is calling the crazy woman who lied about how great Verizon really is.
So, between a few months of worsening internet service brought to me by the drones and nimrods at Comcast, I now get to spend my afternoon speaking to a faceless and inconsiderate moron who is offering nothing more than a crappy over sized phone and some off handed jokes about sometimes people make mistakes when choosing a “better” phone.
This then is the amazing world of customer service in America. Say whatever the customer wants to hear (we will fix your internet, you can buy a refurbished phone from Apple) and then secretly hang up the phone and hope those unhappy customers forget how to dial, of if they are a Verizon Wireless customer, their phone will just die and lose contact information anyway.
It’s a brave new world. The only good thing I realized today is that if the National Security Administration is looking at my cell phone records, they will only find a series of very long calls to call centers around the world getting the same runaround no matter where you call from or what your issue is.

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